People are mean...

I recently returned from a quick trip to Chicago and Boston for some post-grad interviews. Let me start by saying that I now know what it feels like to be a frozen turkey. I had no idea that it would be so painful to walk around outside in subfreezing temperatures wearing little more than two shirts, a sweater, a fleece jacket and leather jacket all at once (i.e., everything in my suitcase). Being from a city that prides itself on great A/C, I was unprepared for my journey to the North Pole. I quickly found myself in need of some nice gloves and a scarf. I know how to wear gloves but apparently there is a learning curve to properly attire oneself with a nice looking scarf. I had never bought a scarf before. I had never worn a scarf before. The closest thing that I know about scarves (pl.) is from my experience of growing up with this timeless classic below.

Okay, so I bought a nice gray cashmere (ooooh) scarf because I thought that it would match my extensive collection of winterwear. So here it is. The problem was that I now had to attach it to me. I tried to look inconspicuous as other people walked by me with their scarves and hats and long black wool-trench coats. They seemed to stare at me when they walked by and thought, "Look at this guy, who does he think he is walking around here without a scarf and gloves...the nerve?" or better yet, "The scarf goes around your neck, moron." I tried to think of an excuse as to how to ask someone from Chicago to show me how to wear my scarf. "I recently woke up from a long coma and I can't seem to remember how to tie a scarf. The last time I wore one, my mom did it for me, could you help me out?"

So, I finally asked the lady who sold me the scarf how to wear it. She must've been the worst person to ask because she said that it didn't matter, just as long as it kept your neck warm. Hello? I'm in a department store... style matters, too! I hope you are reading this lady. So, I did what any sensible guy would do. I wrapped it around my neck the way I saw Randy do it from A Christmas Story. It was warm and when I walked outside I felt that I had been inducted into the common populous of The Windy City. I looked natural. I fit in. I was hip. Then the wind came.

I suddenly realized how silly it must've looked to everyone else how I tried to maintain the scarf on my neck without using my hands. I tried walking backwards to keep the free ends flapping forward and would occasionally walk sideways in an effort to "wrap" it around my neck again. I was smooth. It probably looked like I was dancing. So, I did this for a few hours and went and ate at my favorite pizza joint.

So I had great pizza and went to my interview the next morning and then flew to Boston. I stayed the night at Heather's friend's apt., Kim. She is an english teacher and no doubt would only use a red pen on my blogs. The next morning William (the Husband from Central America, no worries he is legit) cooked me breakfast (which was awesome) and Kim even walked me to the T. Before we left though, I had to put on my "cashmere" scarf and did so with much pride. Kim burst my bubble as she could not help but point out that I was not wearing it correctly. Why are people in Chicago so mean? She showed me that if I simply fold it in half and stick the free ends through a man-made hole that the scarf now creates a self-sustaining and greatly fashionable noose. Why didn't I think of that. I walked to the T that cold morning with Kim and quielty dried my tears of humiliation on my cashmere scarf. It is now at the bottom of my sock drawer.