Dallas and Me (not Krommenhoek)

Heather told me that I should post something new to the blog since I am all done with my externship. I can only tell you that most of the pictures are too graphic for many young viewers and so I can't show you the more interesting parts of the experience. So then I thought I would just talk about the externship, but that wouldn't work either since many of the details are too graphic for young listeners. So, in desperation to keep my wife happy and update the blog I'll have to ask you to cover your young one's eyes and ears and brace yourselves...

Okay, but seriously... I'll talk about a few of the things I saw. Let me start by telling you... America's got problems. There are so many disguisting people out there and I probably met 90% of them in a week's work, then they all referred their relatives to meet me as well. I think I washed my hands 6.3 million times and got so good at it I still go through the motions as I sleep. Double-gloving should never be considered a special precaution but a standard of practice. I think that one should question the status of America and it's "goal" to be a leader of nations when as I was navigating the halls of the hospital I turned a corner to see...

That's right folks, the Golden Arches are everywhere. I can't think of a more inspiring sight than shuffling around the hospital attached to an i.v. drip with your backside exposed to the world and sauntering up to the register to order a nice juicy 100% beef Big Mac. We can go no lower. I only write this because I saw it happen, but I couldn't get the camera out in time. I did laugh though with my other extern-mates. For all the ladies out there (and guys) who are thinking of getting plastic surgery later in life or for just a "touch-up" you may want to consider the process.

No... he's not dead and they didn't paint his face to look like a clown either. They do mark your face up before they put you under and then once you're good and paralyzed... It's slicing time! They let everyone in on the action. I even got to do some cutting... that is refreshing to know that some dental student who really loves oral surgery and has taken out many teeth but has no business cutting on your face is out there. Luckily, it was only his eyebrows and not something more prominent like his chin. Is anyone still reading this?

Okay, this is the last piece that I will talk about unless I get a comment asking for more because believe me... I GOT more! This is a picture of an ear,... but not just any ear. This ear has a story behind it. As many of you may know, I went to Parkland Memorial Hospital for my last externship in Oral Surgery. This is a very well known hospital in the Health Career department and maybe some have heard that this was the hospital where JFK was taken when he was shot...

They like to pride themselves on being the hospital that received him, but let's face it... they lost him here. Okay, enough history. Back to me. So, this is the county hospital and a fairly reputable one as I was saying. Apparently all the inmates from Dallas County Jail come here when they get a booboo, too. So this guy says he was minding his own business "in jail" when he dropped something on the floor and bent over to pick it up. He stood up and hit his head on an unspecified object, slicing his right ear. Whatever dude, I've heard it all. I ended up attending this guy and may I add it is quite intimidating working on a prisoner. I walked up to this guy who is in wrist and ankle chains. He's in a "holding cell" with other riff raff surrounded by armed security guards next to the ER. I walk in there acting like I know what I'm doing and look at the guys ear. "Yup, it's cut and it'll need stitches," I muster up. I leave the room to change my underwear and proceed to gather the necessary materials to sew this guy up. Well, we ended up getting our own private room where the inmate shuffles onto the hospital bed. He answers every question I ask with " Yes, sir" or "No, sir" which completely freaks me out. All I can think about is how this guy is going to react when I give him a shot and start sticking a needle in his ear. Unfortunately, there was no anesthetic with epinephrine in it (lay terms, it wears off really quickly) so, let's sum up what is going on here. I'm in a room with a guy in black and white stripes who has handcuffs and leg cuffs and bleeding from his ear. The security guard is in the corner who I am hoping he is actually watching every move this guy makes. I've never sewn up an ear before but, hey it's probably a lot like doing needlepoint, which I have also never done. So, after injecting this guy a few times, he's shaking from all the pain that I am causing him. Believe me that my life was flashing before my eyes. I was sure he was going to use a part of my body he ripped off to undo his cuffs and rampage through the hospital. It was all my fault. That never happened of course and I would like to point out that I think I did a pretty good job. He was grateful and I was grateful to be alive. The end. Let me know if you want to hear more.